I anxiously check the Regione Del Veneto website for news. The quarantine which was to have ended April 13 is extended until May 5. The whole of Italy appears to be in a bad mood.

One Friend was drunk when he texted last night. Another texted to say his wifi went out at home and though it’s just the 14th he’s run out of data on his phone. Meanwhile my own iPhone screen is flickering Green. My WiFi at home is spotty at best. 5G doesn’t work 90% of the time - too many users?- and my alternate 2G drops video calls and streaming. 3 girlfriends - I realize I haven’t heard from in over a week. And when one calls I can’t bring myself to talk. I argued with 2 other friends from out of town. One telling me you’re really negative. You used to be more fun. No Shit Sherlock. One friend in Germany tells me she’s social distancing but each time I talk she’s spending the day with someone new. Does partial distancing work?

I talk to Alessandro on Easter who left China before this began. He is now working in Uruguay and says “I hope you can go dine with friends today.” And I am like you asshat, don’t you get it? There is no dining with friends anymore! He says he understands. He’s a physicist and is practically elated to have all this time alone to finish his projects inside his head. “I wish this solitude would last forever,” he says. I mean here, not there.” he amends. “For you, I wish it ends.”

I just wish I could concentrate. I lose entire days. I can’t work more than 45 minutes at a time. I’m irritable. I am lonely. I am being really protective of my heart. And I fear I’ll be single for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be.

I tell Art I’m really depressed and he says, “Here’s what I know. You can now go out and exercise...still masked & gloved for all changes, beyond the 200’m but don’t push it. You can shop anywhere for food, not limited to your ‘hood, but still one person per household. Bookstores opening soon, kids stores, others in May. It’s not huge but it’s progress. It’s a test and they do want everyone to still distance & behave.”

I text Peggy - the German not the Guggenheim- she’s my source of all official news. “I am not very sure about that. “ she says, “Nothing clear on the site of the Regione Del Veneto.You should check there. Maybe tomorrow it’s posted.”

So I wait and look at the news. A watched pot never boils.

Yesterday Luca Zaia, presidente della Regione Veneto, a governor of sorts, said something about “Lockdown Soft” to Corriere Della Serra and though the news reported it there’s no legal explanation of what that means.

Lockdown Soft is about as ambiguous as soft porn.

The paper still says you have to stay within 200 meters (1/10th of a Mile) from your house but you’re now allowed to exercise. I saw a man running in circles - laps- like at a gym - around the Campo Santo Angelo. Even when we are outside we are caged. Now our masters have just given us a Hamster wheel. For that I am grateful. I’m Not complaining. I’ll take it. I lace up my shoes.

Friends text and say “When can you come to America?” and I think what’s the point?

There’s no point in anything anymore. Work more than anything seems pointless. I have work to do. I desperately need to put money in the bank - the situation is dire- but no one pays their overdue invoices.

When they don’t pay me I can’t pay others.

Emotions which use to yo-yo month ago are now are fucking jackhammers.

High.

Low.

High.

Low.

I consider deleting this whole post but I know as long as I’m typing I’m okay. It means I’m self aware enough of myself to be okay. I can hear myself breath. I balance myself.

Peggy says, “No alcohol. Even a tiny amount can make everything worse. Try to relax; you bloody can’t change anything now. Only yourself.”

She’s right. I open the window and listen to the sounds of the canal. I can barely hear the water. The tide is a steady ebb and flow. The tide goes in and the tide goes out. It reminds me of a better way of controlling emotions instead of turbulent sloshing. In New York and Boston - all along the East Coast - the storms were fierce last night echoing the mood.

The tide is steady. Calm. Except for during the Acqua Alta-Those exceptional tide peaks that occur in the northern Adriatic Sea. Ah...You knew I would mention it eventually, Didn’t you? It was just a matter of time. You can’t write of Venice and not talk of High Tide.

This phenomenon occurs mainly between autumn and spring -Grazie Dio - it hasn’t happened this last month in quarantine. Between November and January it happened so frequently I thought I was living in the lost sunken city of Atlantis. The last year the two Grand Acquas - among the highest in history - have practically destroyed this city. Not just the infrastructure but the spirit of the people.

Acqua Alta happens when the Astronomical tides are reinforced by the prevailing seasonal winds. No wonder in Venice I see the moon and stars and all the planets in every day life.

You can always feel the Acqua Alta coming before it arrives. A summer breeze settles over Venice - the sirocco, warm tropical air which explains the inexplicable palm frocks you see peeking out of private Palazzos gardens of Venice. Then the tide comes in quickly, water snaking through the city, knocking at your door, and when you don’t answer it slips in from under the floor. The water literally rises under the city.

Those first Venetians must have been mad, to drive piles in the ground, and build palaces on stilts in the water.

Mad? Or desperate? Fleeing Barbarians all they wanted was a place to call their own. And when life didn’t give them land of their own, they build the land themselves.

My lawyer emailed yesterday and I see a little detail in the text that my ex husband asked I cover his legal fees? That schmuck. He knows I’ve lost my company. I’ve lost everything. I breathe. He’s not a schmuck - he’s a sheep. It was probably his lawyers idea. He may not even know it’s there. Baaaaaaa. It mews his name. And that makes me smile. I should write more about Acqua Alta and the origins of Venice least I sound bitter. I’m not. I’m okay. I am. I really am. I will be okay I try to convince myself.

But for now I must shower and start my day. Closing the window I hear Alberto’s voice - he’s the antiques dealer on my Campo - Trois. He says “Venice belongs to the sea and sometimes the sea comes to reclaim her.“

I rub my hands over the rosemary bush in my kitchen and fold my hands over my nose. I deeply inhale. I need to buy more plants - I will fill my house with plants I decide, as many as I can carry - I remember the Greek goddess Aphrodite was said to be wrapped in rosemary when she first emerged from the sea. Paracelsus, a 16th C Swiss German physician, bottled the essence of Rosemary, believing it had the ability to strengthen the entire body healing the heart, the liver and the brain. I breath deep.

At the end that’s we have.

The air I breathe.

I complain so mightily but yet, it’s as Lynn wrote me yesterday, “Here is what I treasure. I buried a partner. I buried a brother. I have outlived my parents, my brother and my partner. And yet I find joy in the fact I am still here. Today was a hard day. The soft music of violins playing brought on such deep sadness and loss. So I changed the music and continued washing my floors. In between looking at the photo you took of the canals that prompted me to try and do paint a watercolor. Lives are interconnected. Like a vine in the forest sometimes we have to let go to move on. Hard day indeed.”

JOURNAL EXERCISE:

Have you heard of the Julia Cameron’s book - The Artist Way? It’s A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity written to assist people in gaining self-confidence in harnessing their creative talents and skills. One of the tenants of the Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing. done first thing in the morning. You mind dump. Any thought that flits through your head are dumped on to the page. But the key principle is you mustn’t reread what you wrote. What would you write if you could write anything and know these words would never be read. Write 3 pages and tear them up when done. Shred them. Do this first thing in the morning to start your day. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and
synchronize the day at hand.

OUR SPONSOR:

Truly Venice is a trademark owned by Property Solutions, a Swiss based company that operates as an agent for property owners wishing to lease their properties for short and long term stays. The company was founded in 2007 by a small entrepreneurial team that sees a great opportunity in offering people all over the world an alternative accommodation to hotels going beyond the traditional tourist trip.

We aim to offer a personalised service, organizing restaurant bookings and taxi services, finding the appropriate meeting and exhibition space as well as offering flowers, special wines and food baskets. Property Solutions is a customer focused company that values your ideas, comments and thoughts. We encourage you to give us feedback on any aspect of our business, whether it be about the website, the service or one of our apartments.

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