It’s day 973 of my quarantine. Or day 7. Or day 23. I am not certain.

And I broke all my quarantine rules. Eat healthily. At the table. With a knife and fork. Wine only in moderation. During regular hours alongside the rest of the world. It was 5am. I’d been awake thinking thinking thinking since 2.30am and I got a craving for popcorn. And chocolate. And prosecco. And I thought screw it, I’m watching a movie which turned into bing watching Sherlock season 1 at dawn when I’m normally god-willing sleeping, or if awake, writing in my journal or working on my book. Mornings are for writing for me. Well, in full disclosure as Facebook has become my Dear Diary this morning, preferably for snuggling with my lover, but we’ve already shone the light on my enduring and unexplainable singledom. Thus morning’s belong to myself and writing. I am a Scorpio - that explains so much doesn’t it ? I’m ruled by my emotions. And this morning my emotions said for just a few hours please stop adulting, stop processing emotions and please stop being so damn logical and give into the fear. Feed me comfort food. Pull the cover over your head. Escape from yourself. In general I yo-yo with my emotions going from “I’ve got this” to “Holy Hell we are all going to die” on just a regular Tuesday not during a pandemic. In quarantine my emotions are more volatile. I am alone with myself and without numbing myself with the business of the outside world I can hear my thoughts. They sit with me side by side as a companion. I am alone with myself. In other times of world crisis, there was an enemy. Our grandfathers, and fathers and brothers and in recent times our sisters have gone to war to fight an enemy. Now there is just the air I breathe. It’s invisible. The only action we are being asked to take is to not act. To not move. To just be. And when did the world come so busy that being became harder than doing? So this morning...nee... this afternoon which became my morning after I went back to sleep and slept til noon, I sit in silence. I hear the water in the canal outside my window. I hear the birds. I feel the sunshine come in my window. I hear my cat breathing. A slight humming coming from... I’m not certain where. My refrigerator perhaps? A whooshing as water runs through my radiators. I become very aware of the present moment. My heartbeat. The smile sneaking on to the corners of my mouth as contentment overtakes me. Just be.