Republic of Toma

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How I have changed…

A lifetime ago when the pandemic started I made a decision when I was in lockdown to share my personal diary. I’ve continued to do so with some regularity - not as much as in lockdown - but still I share. I’m certain some of you thought I was crazy when I wrote. When I write. But My friend Derrick arrived this week and he saw me and he said You look amazing. It’s your face that’s changed the most. Your eyes. One of the biggest struggles personally for me of the onset of the pandemic was simply loneliness. I’m a social beast. The socialist. But loneliness has lingered for a few years before the pandemic after I had left my husband. I thought it was the empty bed at night so I filled it. Yet the loneliness remained. I became more active. Made more friends and yet it preserved. And then I started writing words I often didn’t say outloud. I’ll never forget Rocky LaFleur telling me. I always knew you were more than just a pretty face. Those waters run deep. I read an article this week by Mark Groves @createthelove . It expressed my thoughts. My emotions. He quoted Della Hicks Wilson. “Your Heart is Heavy Because You Are Too Full of the Truth. Open your mouth more. Let the Truth exist somewhere other than in your body.” Derrick arrived and immediately commented on my peace.

These past two years during the pandemic I found my voice. It was always there. I’ve written for years. Journaling. I just didn’t share those private thoughts. Groves explained Liberation comes when you liberate your words, your truth and your authentic self. Stop storing words in your body that those around you and the world needs to hear so they can know how to change too. too.


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