What is a tomato?
I ate cheese for dinner. Too tired to cook. Cheese. And Bread. And Wine. I pulled the ingredients to make a salad but didn’t feel like it. Quarantine is getting to me. I eat the tomato standing in my kitchen biting into it like an apple.
If an Apple is the symbol of knowledge, sin, temptation and the fall of man what kind of totem is a tomato?
Juicy, Red Fruit, Seeds. Africans view it as fertility. When it arrived Italy in the 16th C the church deemed it lewd. Naughty girl I am, I eat it whole. Whereas it rarely appears in Renaissance art, it symbolizes love & sex.
Do you think I am crazy? Reading a tomato? It’s what we do in art and literature. Everything has meaning. When you dream of tomatoes - it means the dreamer has the need for social involvement. For afternoon snacks I pop cherry tomatoes like popcorn. In my dream last night I was angry. Yelling, Rolling in my sheets until they were tangled around me. Depression is anger turned inwards. During the day I don’t express the anger. Who am I angry at? There’s no one.
So I turn away from anger and cook. Today it’s marinara. Whole peeled tomatoes, chopped onions, garlic -peeled but whole and olive oil. I’m using the last of the peppery estate oil from Montestigliano, my friend Susan’s agritourismo near Sienna. I hand-tie a bouquet garni of oregano. Marinara makes me think of community, connection. Sitting around a table outdoors in the sun passing a plate of pasta. It tastes like laughter. I laughed out loud yesterday and my cats looked to me in surprise.
I texted a friend last night. I can’t live this way. How? He said. I need laughter. I need love. I need to be touched. Not sexual - though that doesn’t sound bad either - I’m talking about walking arm in arm. A kiss on the cheek hello. Connection.
Covid19 is not a virus - it’s psychological warfare.
I think back to the tomato. Did you know it’s in the deadly nightshade family? When it came to to Italy, the upper class had pewter plates and its juice caused lead to leach out. Peasants- living a simpler life- used wooden plates and were safe so tomatoes belonged to the poor. A friend in England jokes I complicate my life as much as possible. He’s right. But I’m not sure how to un-complicate it.
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