The Eve of Christmas Eve
On the eve of Christmas Eve… 2 days ago… I went to the last of my holiday celebrations before hibernation. The invitation said come sing Christmas carols. The venue was a retired ACTV Vaporetto (water bus) off the backside of Guidecca converted into a party venue. I walked across Accademia to the Zattera where I grabbed a vaporetto then walked to catch yet another boat - a small private boat - to take us to the venue. A boat to a boat to a boat. This is Venice. That is a metaphor for how I’ve lived my life…always in movement. A friend, an ex boyfriend, called to wish me Merry Christmas. As we were chatting he said he was stunned I wasn’t doing anything or going somewhere. “I feel like being alone.” I said. “But you need connection. You need to always be moving. Always surrounded by people He said. He’s right. I do. It’s in my DNA to connect with others. “But I’m tired of meaningless things. Meaningless encounters. I just don’t feel like doing something anymore unless it has meaning.” I say. Life is short. And I’m busy. And… I think with the TV show in development - I am about to get busier. I feel the need to hunker down & pull together my troops. I keep thinking what my word of the year will be for 2024. I’m debating between two words. Intention. As in Be Intentional. And Allow. As in Let Go of trying to control things & see what happens when the universe is in charge. I’m good at orchestrating. I’m not good at allowing things to unfold without premeditation. My word for 2023 was Communion. Communion with God. Communion with Other. And Communion with Self. Communion is the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a mental or spiritual level. My goal in embracing Communion was for all my connections to be intentional. I recognize I’ve changed this past year in so many ways. I’ve worked hard on myself for that change. To make myself a better person. A more loving person. A kinder person. Kinder to others but also myself. I am getting better at sharing myself. Speaking my mind. Saying my truths. Giving emotions a place to live other than inside myself. I’m proud of who I am becoming. The intentionality of becoming a Woman.
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