Republic of Toma

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Tuscan Mornings

In the morning in Tuscany, the cats wake me. “We want to go outside!” The shutters and curtains are closed, but they can hear the world come awake outside and Fortuny’s ears are twitching. “What’s happening!? This doesn’t sound like Venice.” There are Nightingales not Seagulls, and their mornings song doesn’t sound like the familiar morning caw he is used to. Fortuny is hopping back and forth from the bed to the window begging me wake up - “Get up!!” He meows.
Loudly. Because clearly I am not listening. So I open the shutters. When I do he is too short to see and stands on his tippy toes looking out the window so I stack chairs so he and Fiorella can watch dawn break. The morning is my time. I go to the communal kitchen at @ancoradelchianti making coffee bringing it back to bed. In the evening, it’s input. I watch Netflix or YouTube or listen to an audiobook. I talk to my sister on the phone or read. But the morning for me is excavating - pulling diamonds from the mine, bringing thoughts to light and putting them on paper. The stuff that is inside my head comes out in my morning pages. I write myself awake. When I am lucky, I wake and begin writing when I’m still half asleep, and I am able to catch a thread of sleep pulling on the subconscious like a string from the center of a ball of yarn. Pulling the thought so that I can talk to myself. When I am awake my mind is like the top half of a glacier. The tip protruding from the water. But when I sleep I can see the part unseen. Often the chunk of ice below the surface is bigger than that above. When I write in the morning I go below the surface. Spelunking. To speak to myself. “What do you need to tell me?” I ask myself. “What do I already know that I haven’t told me yet?” I will lie to myself. This I know. I will go to great lengths to avoid knowing that thing that I know but don’t want to hear. So in the morning, I pull the thread 🧵 uncoiling me from inside my head. My brain is fresh. I’ve not yet put on my armor, lipstick, pearls, to go about my day. Here in the quiet, still in bed, under a pile of covers, it’s unexpectedly cold, as the cats listen to the birdsong, I listen to myself wake up.


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