Why Worry Today
Life has been a lot to deal with here lately. Trying to hold it all together, and truthfully I feel like I am failing miserably. I am struggling in this moment. A few years ago Fiorella who normally has a gracefulness navigating antiques and art de la table - aka crowded spaces - jumped on a shelf in my curiosity cabinet and knocked off an empire vase. Cats don’t have the ability to feel shame. It’s not that they don’t feel guilty but can’t have that emotion. If she would have been a dog, she would have hung her head instead she looked on with curiosity. It’s why disciplining a cat doesn’t work. They can’t correlate you being an A-hole yelling at them with their bad behavior. You have to divert their attention away from the thing you don’t want them to do. So Fiorella watched with avid curiosity as I picked up the broken pieces and placed them on the tray. Liking the way the pieces looked together on the tray - almost like a modern art exhibit - I left them there rather than throwing them away. I’ve always wanted to learn how to make kintsugi - the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold - so I saved the pieces thinking someday I may use this vase as an experiment.
In this particular moment of my life, I have some major challenges - some phenomenal stress- and I’ve realized I am responding differently than I would have in the past. Yes. I am still having the occasional meltdown. But mostly I’ve just been getting curious. Like Fiorella. Observing it. Oh this is something different. Thinking about my situation differently. Rather than getting mad about the broken empire vase. Just observing. Oh. It’s broken at the moment. I will always fill in the broken bits of my life with gold. So it may not be kintsugi yet, but I know it will be ok because things are always ok in the future so why worry today. For now, I sit in observation of the brokenness. Being ok with not being ok. It’s extremely stressful. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to stay in this place. But I know this is just part of the journey. I get curious. I learn from it. I try to let myself rest as much as I can. Rest. Observe and Learn. So I can move on.
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