I wake with words on my lips. That’s how engrained my Morning Pages are in my soul. The words from dreamland are a continuous thought as those first scribbles on the page. Sometimes I’m not certain if I’m still dreaming. I write in bed.

Last night I talked to a friend in New York and she was angry and my inclination is to soothe. I wanted to pull her head to my chest and rub her hair and say it’s going to be ok. Don’t be angry. It’s what my mother would have done. She would have told me to not feel such strong emotions - Be happy Toma.

Such a simple pleasure. I am out. Out and About in Venice. I wear my mask. But I am smiling beneath it. Free to go where I want, when I want. I talked to a friend. He said "your voice... you're a different person." I've learned things about myself these days... I need people. I'm an extrovert - ENFP - it's where I get my energy. But yet, I've also learned more about myself... I've learned I can be alone and there is strength gained in that insight.

My friends ask. When did you become a philosopher? I don’t remember you this way. Maybe it was 2 months of solitary confinement - but I think the story began before then. I will tell you. About the months before the quarantine. That night in Thai Jail. The yoga master in Siem Reap. The around the world flight in January. A revolution around the world. The vision in November. The flood. Water symbolizes spirit. The knowing that has been inside of me this last year.

I’m still trying to get Sabrina out alive. Her roots have grown deep between a pipe and the side of my house. I think this might be where the expression between a Rock and a Hard Place came in.

7 again. I look it up. There are 7 layers of skin. The ocean waves roll in 7s. The rainbow has 7 colors. Sound has 7 notes The earth was created in 7 days. A cube has 7 dimensions. The Bible has 735 mentions of 7. Seven is the number of completeness and perfection - both physical and spiritual. It derives much of its meaning from being tied directly to God’s creation of all things.

I am learning these last few years to call on the wisdom of the future and the past. Science meets Religion. Spirituality, Mysticism and the Ethreal. What would my future self do now? I can see so clearly who I will Be so what would She do now? What have I always known I know without knowing, knowledge passed through the womb of my mother’s mother’s mother. Ancient wisdom. Ancient knowing.

When I saw her standing at a distance I almost cried. There she stood in a short skirt with boots and a coat and I wanted to run up and give her a hug but I realized I didn’t know how to greet her.

I act in more ways than one. My days are full putting my evolving business plan into action. I’m pivoting. Pivot by Definition is to Make a Change in Strategy, Position or Policy. As a company we’ve survived 12 Years by constantly pivoting.

I was walking to the grocery store and the streets they were abandoned and there I saw it. The Gelateria Artigianale Igloo was open! They didn’t have many flavors and no cones - and I wasn’t even hungry - but I wanted to support the owner for opening the first day he could so I took one for the team.

I throw my feet off the bed and on to the floor. Finally standing. The second time is a charm.

Je me réveille.

Je me lève.

For some reason I think in French this morning when I wake the second time.

A tree is growing out of my bathroom window. It’s the most improbable of places.

A seed must have been dropped from heaven- it’s carrier undoubtedly a bird - into a crack between my house and my neighbors roof tiles.

Heidi told me he was a messenger. That damn bird who won’t leave me alone. It’s like living in a Hitchcock movie.

As surely as if we are in a Dan Brown novel symbols keep coming to me. I examine them like a painting.

Not just me. But We. I share my journey because I believe this is bigger than myself. I share my journey because I’m not afraid of feeling. I share my journey because I’m not afraid of putting feelings into words. Words unite us. Words have power. Power creates Change. I share my journey because I believe We are Becoming.

I anxiously check the Regione Del Veneto website for news. The quarantine which was to have ended April 13 is extended until May 5. The whole of Italy appears to be in a bad mood.

Fia looks at me imploring.

She’s the psychic one. She knows things. She goes and gets in the basket before we have to leave the house to go to the Veterinarian. Or when I need to escape into the sunlight she sneaks into the laundry closet and sits by her leash waiting for me to take her out.

I throw my feet off the bed and on to the floor. Finally standing. The second time is a charm.

Je me réveille.

Je me lève.

For some reason I think in French this morning when I wake the second time.

I slept last night. The whole night through. Yesterday I paced. The caged energy of a tiger. Worried about a universe of uncertainties.

I started projects. Stopped.

I type words.

My fingers inching forward.

I back up.

I erase them.

He served me court papers yesterday. My soon to be ex-husband. In quarantine. Is he just asking to be cast as a bad guy?